Advice for a Broken Heart

I replied some time ago to an email from a woman who was suffering through the undesired break-up of a dating relationship.  With her permission, I have posted my slightly edited response to her for all my fellow sojourners in the precarious minefield called “dating.”

Hi _____________,

I read your note with a sympathetic heart.  Why?  I have struggled through dating relationships for about as long as you have been alive!  I say that to my chagrin as I have desired for success, love, marriage, and the good things God provides from those gifts.  It just hasn’t happened.  I have had some very difficult relational moments along the way.

So my heart goes out to you in this.

I am also very glad to hear of the spiritual renewal that God has brought to you.  Please continue on this path!!  Seek God with your life.  Strive to know Him, Love Him, and obey Him.

Actually, this break up is a very early test of who has your heart.  Idols come in many forms but all of them relate to where I find my identity and meaning.  It is VERY easy for a boyfriend/girlfriend to move into that category.

Which is why my advice for you in this is to do the opposite of what you naturally want to do.  You may want to maneuver, manipulate, say the right words, do something, in an attempt to get ________ back.  I would encourage you to NOT do those things.  Rather, to take the energy you have desiring _______ and apply it to your spiritual pursuits.  What do I mean?  I mean this, you cannot control _________ and all your attempts to do so will backfire.  You may or may not date him again.  That is not the issue.  The real issue is your relationship with God.  As you focus on developing that, the hurt of not having ________ will diminish.  Also, you will be developing your spiritual character through this trial in a way that will make you MORE attractive to a godly man.  God may or may not bring him.  He may or may not be __________.  Let God work that out.   

Focus on Him.  Love Him.  And trust Him for the other loves you desire.

Hope this helps,

© 2010 Steve DeWitt. You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that: (1) you credit the author, (2) any modifications are clearly marked, (3) you do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction.

1 comment

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  1. Mary

    Hope you can still share this with the woman struggling with a break-up.. I find it troubling that everyone (or most) seem to think if your not in a relationship your not or can’t be happy. I like most would like and long to be in a relationship that includes Christ, I have also learned though that just because someone claims to be a Christian and maybe they are, but doesn’t mean you have to like them in a relationship way. How can anyone be happy if they are not happy with themselves? I know I would rather be alone then miserable ever again. For that matter I’m not alone I have family, friends, and Christ. I’ve seen to many friends and friends of friends and so on in relationships just to say their not alone, yet not happy. I’m told that I am pretty, I work out and I’m in shape, yet I can count on ONE hand how many times I’ve been asked out in the last year. Depressing NO! Thank-You Jesus as I wait for the man you have for me..

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